24 RED FLAGS – HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.

If someone is interested in you, trust me, you’ll know about it, there’s no second guessing, they’ll make it very clear to you. Almost every self help page advises you to just ‘trust your gut’ but lets face it, sometimes the hope in us just loves to ignore those red flags which leaves us searching for a more direct answer to our question, which is why you’ve probably ended up on this page…

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  1. He doesn’t give you his jumper when you’re cold. He doesn’t care about you enough to freeze for you. I know, I know, it’s our fault for not wrapping up warm but hey, we don’t wanna ruin our cute outfit that we wore for you, duh! There’s just something romantic about them giving us their jumper when we’re cold, it shows us he cares and that’s cute. He probs won’t get the jumper back though..so can you really blame him when he says no?

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2. He doesn’t comfort you if you’re sad. If he’s asked you about your day and you’ve told him somethings bothering you and he doesn’t at least make an effort to cheer you up or find out what’s wrong then that’s a red flag. He doesn’t even need to be good with words, just the small act of him trying to make you feel better is enough to show you he cares, even if it’s just a teenie bit. If he responds with unhelpful things like ‘cheer up’, ‘things could be worse’ then he’s purposely not wanting to get on a deeper level with you, he’s keeping that lid firmly closed and his lack of empathy is a good sign that he’s not that interested.

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3. He only texts you late at night. Don’t get me wrong, I get we all have jobs and not all of us can be on our phones 24/7 but if he makes a habit of only messaging you at night then he’s probably not taking you that seriously. And as my favourite matchmaker says ‘don’t reply to a guy past 10pm’, the convo turns from PG to 18+ real quick and you’ll be more tempted by his advances.

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4. He doesn’t call you. If he’s not calling you, then he’s already not that interested in what you’ve got to say. Texting requires a minimum amount of effort whereas calling requires at least some concentration to keep the conversation alive. If he doesn’t call you, it’s because he doesn’t want to talk to you. Whatsapping can often feel like you’re close to a person when really anyone could be behind that screen, it’s convenient, lazy and impersonal. If a guys calling you, he’s investing his time into you.

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5. He’s online 24/7 but he’s not talking to you. We all have the same 24hours in a day and he’s just chosen to busy up his 24hours with stuff that makes him happy (that apparently being, not you). Believe me, if he is interested in you, baby girl he would make time for you. No doubt about it. Don’t be fooled into being manipulated into thinking he’s absolutely got no time to send a text, a text takes literally 0.3 seconds? And I can assure you, you’re worth 0.3 seconds out of his 24 hours in a day.  And if he can’t spare you that, he is not worth your time.

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6. He never gives you a time frame of when he’s seeing you. He does not want to make any sort of commitment to you. He does this because he is keeping his options open and if it comes to it and he has no plans then hey, you’re first on his list. That’s not cute. You’re not second best so if he suggests last minute for you to go out, even if you’ve been inside your house all day with no human interaction at all, YOU’RE BUSY TONIGHT HUN. Teach him he can’t just pop up last min and catch a date with you, cabin fever or not, if he wants to see you, he will give you plenty of notice next time.

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7. He lives by words over actions. Sells you the dream but you have nothing to show for it. I’ve come across a few of these in my time and I actually think they deserve a medal for their efforts. They perfect the art of stringing you along, telling you exactly what you want to hear but NEVER bringing the fantasy of texting into the reality of meeting. If they spill their hearts out to you with words and there is absolute on sign of ACTION then fuck him right off. Action over words, ALWAYS.

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8. He doesn’t invite you to bbq’s, party’s, birthdays which are at his own house?! If he’s super interested in you, he’ll want to be around you in social environments, especially in the summer. If you’ve been seeing each other and he has a party and doesn’t invite you, he’s probs not that interested.

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9. He always cancels at the last minute. Once is an honest mistake, twice is just rude. If he doesn’t make a gesture of trying to make it up to you, he honestly doesn’t care that much. He doesn’t respect your time and that’s just not ok. Bin him off.

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10. He doesn’t show you any sexual attention. This is a huge sign that he’s not all that into you. Again, we get it, you might have different Labido bla bla bla but if you’re in the honeymoon period and he doesn’t initiate any form of sexual contact (kissing..) when you’re sitting there all sexy and cute, he’s either, a. gay b. not interested or c. has no sex drive…You want someone who makes you feel desired, wanted, fancied, not someone who makes you feel unattractive and unsexy. BOY BUH BYE.

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11. He makes you sit in the back of the car. NUT UH. If he’s giving his friends this special treatment over you then he’s treating you like a Croc when you are a Louboutin. It’s these tiny little things that make a girl feel special, eg. letting us sit in the front of the one min journey down the road. Tiniest little gesture and it’ll leave you feeling all important. You know it makes sense.

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12. He doesn’t interact with you on any social media platforms. If he’s very active on social media then he’s definitely seen a few memes he could dm you and chuck a few likes here and there, if there is no sign of any interaction he’s probably treating you like an option. I know for a fact, any guy I’ve been seeing, will like every photo I upload, and they’ll be in my dms throwing out flame emojis at my stories, and when they stop, it’s because someone else has taken their attention. 100%.

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13. You only see each other for sex. Well that’s a given really. Hopefully the two of you have decided this agreement of being friends with benefits, f*ck buddies, netflix and chill partners, whatever you wanna call it and if you haven’t and you’re still wondering if he’s interested in you, it’s probably not the case. He’s interested in the sex.

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14. You’re always the one to get in contact with him first. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t really live by these rules of when or when not to text a guy, I mean I called someone once, 46 times drunk, and he still spoke to me, so I think we know there are no boundaries here, but if you drop the contact and he doesn’t try to initiate a conversation, likelihood is, he’s just not that interested. Yes the ghosting, ignoring, whatever he’s playing at might make you think nah, I’m gonna text him see what he’s playing at but if I could give my old self one piece of advice it would be say absolutely nothing. It’s his loss.

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15. You only see him on week nights and NEVER on a weekend. Now when I first told my friend about this pointer she was like eyyy? But listen, if he chooses to spend his Saturday with you, then he is somewhat interested in you. Saturday is his only free day off and you got his full attention. If he gives you Monday nights, he does not rate you.

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16. He doesn’t let you stay round. If he still lives with his parents and he’s weird about you staying round then call me paranoid but it’s obviously because you’re the 8th girl that month and if he can avoid his momma thinking he’s Hugh Hefner then he’s gonna book you that Uber. Plus he doesn’t wanna cuddle because he’s got intimacy issues. Something like that.

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17. He doesn’t ask you any personal questions. If the conversation is very basic and he doesn’t openly share anything about himself or doesn’t ask you anything remotely personal, he doesn’t really want to get to know you. If he’s all up for talking about sex positions but can’t ask you what your favourite colour is, then bbyyyyy, he’s keeping that distance for a reason.

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18. He negs you. Negging can actually be so detrimental (causing harm) to a girls self-esteem if she’s feeling self-conscious or insecure. It’s not very nice and if anything it just makes him look really insecure, putting someone down to make them feel superior. Don’t take on board anything negative he say’s about you. Love yourself enough to not even give his backhanded compliments a second thought.

Negging is an act of emotional manipulation whereby a person makes a deliberate backhanded compliment or otherwise flirtatious remark to another person to undermine their confidence and increase their need of the manipulator’s approval.Wikipedia

19. He eats before he sees you. ROOOOOOODEEEEEEE. We love eating. How dare he?! Selfish and unnecessary.

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20. He doesn’t take you out. If he’s not dating you properly, then don’t date him. You can get sex anywhere and so can he. Do we really just wanna chill at each others houses 24/7 or go guzzle a pornstar or two (number 2 obvi).

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21. He doesn’t call you back when he missed ignored your call. If someone calls you and you’re interested in them you’ll be a little bit curious to what they wanted, so you’d either send a ‘whats up’ text or call back. If he does neither then you know the drill.

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22. He talks about ex sex, ex girlfriends, girls full stop. Ew. He’s doing this for a few reasons. 1. He wants to reclaim his singleness. 2. He wants to make you aware that this thing you two have going on is purely casual and not that deep 3. He openly discusses physical attributes about girls you might know of as a push away mechanism so that you don’t get too close or too comfortable 4. You’re not the one so he doesn’t need to spare your feelings.

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23. He makes personal digs at you and your personality. ‘You’d be perfect if this’, ‘You’d be much better if you’…these little digs are said in such a light-hearted way which lures you into thinking he’s just teasing you but it’s probably just a reflection of how he truly feels about you. He says things that you should change about yourself because you aren’t his idea of perfect. If he doesn’t make you feel like the Strawberry Starburst then see ya later hun.

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24. You’re wondering, ‘Is he into me or not’. If you truly are questioning does he even like me then I guess there is your answer. You deserve better. You deserve someone who encourages, inspires, motivates and uplifts you to be the best version of yourself possible. Not leaving you questioning ‘what did I do wrong?’, ‘why doesn’t he like me?’, ‘am I pretty enough’. Yes btw, yes you are pretty enough, but he’s just not right for you.

So why the mixed signals you ask?

  • He is too busy for you
  • You are not his priority
  • You are not worth his time
  • He’s just not that into you
  • He just wants to keep you there
  • He’s seeing other people
  • He is giving other girls his attention
  • He’s a player
  • He’s manipulating you
  • He doesn’t have his shit together
  • He’s too immature to date
  • There’s no chase
  • He’s luring you into a false sense of security so you stick around
  • He needs an ego boost from time to time
  • HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU

Ok so there’s a mixture of why he could be acting this way. He probably finds you mega attractive, funny, entertaining etc, but he just doesn’t want anything serious with you, so if you’re okay with not having his full attention and you’re happy with the way he’s treating you then that’s all that matters. Happiness before anything. I hope you enjoyed reading this post, there’ll be a lot more from me, stay fabulous always and remember, you do not NEED a man to validate you as a person, know your worth, he probs has a small willy anyway.

LOTS OF LOVE, DT XO

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